An Interview With Marcus

Height:  6ft 1inch

Favourite Group: Girls Aloud , there great, I used to vote for them every week on pop idol  "I love um to bits I do"

Favourite Film: Mary Poppins, I think shes a great woman, shes my ideal woman to be honest, how she flys up to the chimmey in the film is wonderful, how do she do it ?

Claim To Fame: I have always been known to be able to eat the most pies while playing football, my record is 12 during the half time break

Nickname:  I have had many shouted at me, but my most recent is Lardy, the crowd shouted it out at Olveston, and its just stuck. Its great fun !

Most Admired Sportsman : Eddie the Eagle Edwards, how I wish I was that good, what a star

Best Goal: The one I claimed last season for Hengrove, I was chatting to Andy at the time, but still put in a claim for it and got it 'Great Goal'

Favourite Drink: A nice drop of Iced tea, ummm thats lovely

An Interview With Our Andy

Height : 5ft 6 and a bit

Favourite Group : The group huddle, its nice because it always warms me up before a game.

Favourite Film : Thats got to be cling-film, its a wonderful product, always keeps my sandwich nice and fresh.

Claim To Fame : Well thats gotta be saving a penatly from our previous manager Craig in 5-a-side training, he's such a good player, I was made up for weeks. After that I was sure I was going on to play for England.

Nickname : Andy Pandy

Most Admired Sportsman : Tom Lester, he's brill, how he has not got into the Brazilian national side, I will never know ? , maybe its because he's English.

Favourite Drink : Water, I drink so much of it all the time while I'm playing in goal, it also stops me getting cramp

An Interview With Tom

Name : Tom Moore

Position: Defender, but I could move into the midfield

Height : 5ft 11, but I'm over 6ft in my heels

Favourite Group : Inspirational Carpets, they were a class act from the 90's, I listen to them on my ipod when I'm floor laying, my Dad told my all about them, and I have really got into them recently

Favourite Film : Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I love this film, and know all the words to the songs, I have even got the CD in my car, which I play on the way to a match. I find it really fires me up for the game.

Claim To Fame : My cat allergy, it makes me look like I have gone 12 rounds with Lennox Lewis, but its a great way to get attention from the girls, they all come up to me and go "ahh, you poor thing" now thats good fun.

Nickname : Sicknote, I tend to spend more time on the sidelines than playing, one week its my groin, then its my back, and now its my foot hurting

Most Admired Sportsperson : Oh thats easy, its 'Woodgate' at Real Madrid, he spends as much time injuried and out the side as me.

Best Goal Scored: Yeah, I scored a cracker against Castle Court last season, I ran the full length of the pitch, into the garden centre, and back again before firing home an unstoppable shot.

Favourite Drink :  Hot Chocolate, I have to drink plenty of it, to keep me warm while I'm watching the boys

Name: Jack Horwood

Height : Reckon I'm 5ft 10 most days

Favourite Group : Mcfly, I think I look just like Danny the Guitarist

Favourite Film : Spiderman, what a wonderful film this is, the special effects are fab, its a classic. I love it when he shoots the webbing out of the palm of his hand, its truly awesome. I have tried it myself, but I still can't get it to work, maybe when I grow up I will be able to do it then ?

Claim To Fame : Playing along side Rod Milkins at Knowle Cricket Club during the summer, he has so much to offer us young-uns. The way he fields and bats lower down the order is first class, and I can learn so much from just watching him, and being on the same field as him. I feel like a famous cricketer each time, almost like I'm Freddie Flintoff

Nickname : Jacqueline

Most Admired Sportsman : Well this has to be sport persons, as its Torvill & Dean, I watch their Gold winning performances every Sunday before going onto the field its very inspirational, the way they glide around the ice gives me goosebumps.

Best Goal Scored : ummh sorry, I haven't got that good a memory

Favourite Drink : Cranberry juice and Lemonade, I like it shaken not stirred

An Interview with Stuart  'oops' I mean Sam

Name : Sam Milkins

Height : 3ft when standing on a box

Favourite Group : Busted, great group, I buy all their records, and screamed as loud as I could when I went to see them recently at the NEC in Birmingham

Favourite Film : Stuart Little, I love that mouse, if I could be anyone else it would be him.

Claim To Fame : It had to be when I played skittles along side Craig during the summer, what a star he was, I knew my Dad was good, but this guy is different class. We won the league and the play-off final at a canter, I was so proud to be part of it, 'the experience will live with me forever'.

Nickname : Sammers, Sambow, anything stupid like that suits me fine

Most Admired Sportsman : Jack Russell wicketkeeper, I think he's one of the all time greats, I even wear my wicketkeeper gloves to bed at night.

Best Goal Scored : I tend to score the odd goal, but the one I scored against Frys this season was a cracker. I hit it from 25 yards and it flew into the net. After the game I was told off for being out of position, you just can't win sometimes with the boss here.

Favourite Drink : Well that's Coke, it keeps me awake all night so I can play 'Football Manager' on my PC until the early hours of the morning. I even stayed up until 4am once.

An Interview With England's Finest Emerging Star 'Dale Rhodes'

we managed to get hold of Dale in between his trips to the BRI from falling from ladders, steping on nails and breaking ankles !

Height: 6ft when standing on Sam's box and sitting on his shoulders.

Favourite Group:  Westlife - I'm a lover of boy bands they are so smooth like me.

Favourite Film:  Madagascar (he giggles)  I like the penguins, they make me laugh.

Claim To Fame:  I once was in the army before flying a jumbo jet and landing it on the beach in Weston. I also knocked out a 7ft bouncer in a nightclub, he was out cold for over 45 minutes. Also fighting Frank Bruno at school for the heavyweight title of Britain, and being picked to play for England schoolboys at rugby cricket and football. Oh did I mention I have been out with the queen for tea.

Nickname: Del boy, Billy  or Tommy Pepper, I don't know why ?

Most Admired Sportsman : David Beckham, cause I like his shiny diamond earrings.

Best Goal : I scored a cracking right footed shot from the edge of the area at Olveston earlier this season. It was on Match of the day the following week honest !

Favourite Drink:   Rum, and the slops from other peoples glasses.

By public demand - Here's Ricky ! (cheer, or take a beating)

"Hello Mr Nelmes, do come in and take a seat, would you like a coffee before the interview"

Whatever, just get the ***K on with it

Name: Ricky Nelmes

Height: What the ***k has that got to do with you ?

Favourite Group: The sex pistols, they really knew how to have a ***k**g good time.

Favourite Film: f*** me, thats a f*****g easy one, its gotta be the f****** Football Factory, what a great script that was, I can't f****** wait to see Green Street either.

Claim To Fame:  I'm f****** hard MATE, thats fame anit it !

Nickname: Angel, I'm as good as f****** gold you to**er

Most Admired Sportsman : B*****k*  I'm not answering that ! oh well, maybe Vinny Jones, he played football as it f****** should be played.

Best Goal : Every f****** one I score is good alright p***k

Favourite Drink : Anything that gets me f****** bo**ox

Ok Mr.Nelmes, thank you for you time

An Interview with our new star 'Luke Lipinski'  - it went a little bit like this.........................

Hello Rod

Oh Luke, Rod can't made the interview today mate, I'm Craig......

Ok, that's alright Rod

You mean Craig !

Yeah yeah sorry Rod, .... a... I mean Craig ?

Ok Luke, lets not waste anymore time we will just get on with it.....

Height: Yeah I'm pretty tall Rod, reckon I'm well over 6ft 2 inches

Favourite Group:     Abba .....           "Any reason for that Luke" ? .... .....No Rod I just like Abba that's all..  " Luke mate, I'm Craig, Rod's not here

Favourite Film:  Star Wars, I enjoy films like that, its so close to real life, its like being in town on a Saturday night

Claim To Fame: Ummm , thats got to be when you Rod asked me to play for Hengrove !

Nickname:  How about Lippy ? I like that one

Admired Sportsman : Alan Shearer ! ! !      "why's that Luke"   No reason Rod         "for christ sake Luke, Rod's not here, I'm Craig"   Oh yeah sorry

Favourite Goal :  The first goal I scored for Hengrove,  it was a looping header against Frys on the first day of the season, I enjoyed that one Rod

Favourite Drink :  No thanks Rod, I just had one

"Cheers Luke, thanks for the interview"

OK Rod, I'll see you next Sunday !

"Alright Luke we will, oh and by the way I'm Craig"

Yeah sorry Phil, see you then